my life right now: 1-22-09

http://bdgangel.tumblr.com/post/72419519/fractions-emery-when-we-have-these-mornings

stupid school

i want to talk to you
you want to talk to me
you should be studying
i want you to study
i tell you to study
you make fun of me because you’d rather talk to me than study
i get offended because you made fun of me
i leave
you don’t get to talk to me anymore
and i don’t get to talk to you anymore
but you do get some studying done
if you stop thinking about me that is.

picture

this is my and my girl. i love her.

awwww...

bleeding

i dont know how much of this i can handle
if we’re not to be PLEASE reveal such
my heart is being tilled like soil
and i’m forever high in the sky
or down heavy like trash
more than ready to handle this if we’re meant to be
but less than pleased if i just got racked for nothing

*sigh*

ok. fine.

maybe for sure when you’re doing 30 other things while on the phone with me. i’m not joking when i say i can barely hear you. busy yes, but can’t you make time to talk to me, tell me what i gotta know and then if you MUST get off the phone and go DO the things you are trying to DO!!

maybe the fact that you are so stubborn like me. and i know that if i don’t give in and let you win, you’ll call me ridiculous and clam up. which is just like me. exactly. that’s how i feel. how i want to treat you, but two clams–have you ever seen them talk?? sounds pretty boring to me.

ok, nothing else. none of those. nothing that i’ll ever come up with. none of that. all meaningless, the REAL annoyance is your distance. in all manners. why you are not HERE. why you are not with ME. why you are not with me now and maybe not ever in the future. i don’t know what to say. this be not the place to give you the whole “shpeel” that i’ve given countless times. you know how i feel.

and right now that’s annoyed.

and i’m a blank empty void.

and the horizon just seems to get further and further away.

zipline #1

once again your eyes

jeans and white shirt–

set off by your eyes

far far away from plain

we meet in the green tone

i stretch to brown

while you to blue

as soon as it was too dark to see

just wanted to hear you

jut wanted you to talk

need you so much closer

so come on!!

i felt you ease up in the car

sing a little talk a lot

finally hit me with your shoe

understanding a fulcrum

laughing about the coffee underground creeper

when i told you i can’t leave

you alone. you’re attractive,

i’d've no chance of getting you again.

and i love your eyes

and these eyes can sing (revolver)

and you say they dance when they look at me.

my song

overload.

all these things you are telling me

or telling God about you and me.

so overwhelmed i must constrain

to understand and over come pain.

 

it’s been my goal to serve the LORD

i’ve wanted that since long ago

but now my heart has one more cord

 

i saw your face, there down below

and while i faded you grew strong

and with your strength we starved my foe.

 

i locked on you straight through the throng

your eyes of depth midst shapes of grey

so you i knew but not my song

 

it’s like i have the words to say

and though i have them in my head

i’m at a loss for what to play

 

i question Him while i’m in bed

like who to play for, where to start

and how to feed those left unfed.

 

yet through His silence shines His heart

it looks like mine and matches yours

and let’s me think i know my part

 

to walk through one of many doors

to humbly serve the world with pride

(to always show the Word inside)

to win the world by peace not force

 

yes, heidi, dear, you’re by my side

yes, heidi, love we’re side by side

the LORD our King is on our side

fickle

all of these beautiful people.
.

.

.

.
.
.
.
how can i be SO bitter about everything about them.

leave a message after the tone

it vibrated in my hand
no words to say so i left it closed.
so but arg sigh
did you think of me at all today??
i almost wonder if you even did.
it’s not as if you need to (update me every second)
but i guess i’m weaker than i thought.
are you stronger, more stubborn, less committed, more secure, or simply meaner than i thought.

heidi